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Satori - MC Snukipuff Saves Hip-Hop!

About Satori

Previous Entry Satori May. 22nd, 2013 @ 05:55 pm Next Entry
Probably going to start posting here more often again, kindof like that I can't find any of my old emo posts/info from before I became a massive alkie and stopped being able to handle the trauma I had been put through since the age of 12 or so. You know how in dikuMUDs you could break the game by topping a spec out over 255 and wrapping it around? Well I sort of think of that as enlightenment, and I think my insanity/drugginess finally did that. I'm much calmer now, a much faster thinker, colors look brighter and I can barely remember my trauma. I mean, I remember it clearly but it seems so emotionally distant that it might as well be a boring movie I'm half paying attention to. The sort of sad thing is that, as these changes are overcoming my psyche, people who aren't here either talking to me via internet or phone or whatever or actually physically here in my life well, they're fading in my memory to basically 2 dimensional clinical cutouts of people, like my memory of Britt became 10 years or so after she died. It's really sort of heartbreaking to be that cut off from people who I look at their old posts on my LJ and think "Gosh, I used to feel a close emotional bond with that person." It's amazing what depth of feeling my madness ignored and passed up, but I'm fully present in life NOW and I sort of feel like taking the time to go back and revisit those relationships isn't worth it. That's not to say I'm not open to it, but several (read many) people have completely excised the demonic Eric from their lives and despite me saying "hey guys, I'm better now" they want nothing to do with me. It will be very sad when I run into them a year from now or whatever and it dawns on them that I'm not bullshitting this time. Yay for Livejournal: where nobody reads your posts!
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Date:May 23rd, 2013 05:46 am (UTC)
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